I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
