Porn is love you can see.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
