Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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