I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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