I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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