i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
