A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
