I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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