He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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