I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
