There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
