her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
