You're my little dorito
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
