The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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