You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
