You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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