I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
