No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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