My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
