dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
