I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
