Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
