Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
