# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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