I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
