genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
