I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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