Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
