Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
