he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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