I am puke
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
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giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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