I wish I could teleport
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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