we're chasing vodka with high fives
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
