hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
