Got a toothbrush?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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