Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
