if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
