He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
