morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hippo gnu deer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
