I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
