He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
