Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
