i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
