i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
