They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
