Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
