I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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