True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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