fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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