i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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