you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
