girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
