I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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