apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
