Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
