hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
