Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
