this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
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Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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