Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
