Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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