I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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