she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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