he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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