Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
