This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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