I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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