what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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