apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
