I want to stick my p in your. b.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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