a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
where am i from again
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
