Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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