if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize