you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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