Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
